The number you are….

Did you know that you’re just a number in this grandiose country?? It doesn’t matter what you want to do in life you are always looked at as a number. What to buy a house or car? What is your credit score? Want to go to school? How much did you or your parents make last year? Want that dream job? How many years of experience do you have? All of those things you still need the magical nine digit number… Your social security number. *sigh* Let’s recap so you can understand where this is coming from. In high school they didn’t teach us about credit or how important it was. All they pushed was that great college dream. (Another Blog Another Time) They didn’t tell us how important it was to build your credit and to protect it. Did you know a 800 credit score has more buying power than $100,000? I literally just found that out at the age of 32. This information would have been extremely helpful when I was a fresh 18 year old and released on the real world applying for every credit card possible! By the time I was 19 I had 20 credit cards. *facepalm* Yes, 20, all low limits, but that didn’t matter to me. What mattered was I could go to Victoria’s Secret whenever I wanted and spend what I wanted. By the time I was 21 I gotten myself out of that situation and into a much bigger one. I hadn’t really used my credit much besides the credit cards. But, man oh man did it set the tone for my life. I had an old beat up car that kept going and going until it didn’t. It wasn’t fixable and I was forced to do something I had never done. Get an car loan. Problem #1 I didn’t research what I was doing, I just went in and said I need a car. A car is what they put me in. What I know now but didn’t know then is it was the lowest rated car of the year, in fact they no longer make them. That wasn’t even the worst part… the dealership ran my credit NINETEEN times! SEEEEEE uneducated! Here I am 21 and happy I have a new car not knowing that they have royally screwed me for six years plus interest and 2 years of 19 hard inquiries. Fast forward 2 years, I feel as though I am finally making headway. I am a new homeowner and within 6 months I lose my job. I had no clue about that, ‘Have a savings of 6 months of your income’ thing. So I had to choose between a mortgage payment and my car note. Of course I chose the house, which is a part of the problem that lead to me filing bankruptcy at the age of 24. ‘Life after bankruptcy’ I have reaffirmed on my home so my credit score didn’t take long to bounce back. I was able to get a credit card almost immediately. This time around I was determined to do things differently. I was now married with a son, two incomes is better than one… or so I thought. BUUTTTTT….. we were still living paycheck to paycheck. Probably a bad time to go into a deep depression and lose another job. (Another Blog Another Time) But it happened, I had started a small business a couple of years before losing my job that lasted several years. (Another Blog Another Time) So I still had some sort of income… kinda. New business does NOT in fact bring in money. During this time another child is born, the house is sold, a divorce happens, depression deepens. My credit is SHOT! You see when we divorced he had the steady income and I had the debt, extremely stupid on my part. But, I learned a very valuable lesson. I couldn’t keep up with the credit card payments and maintain a living on one self-employment income. Yet again I am on the verge of having to file bankruptcy AGAIN. I am self-employed so I am not being garnished but life sucks! I am not living I am simply surviving. Fast forward to present day, I met with a bankruptcy lawyer a week ago. I understand the basis of the process but so much has changed and they want to know EVERYTHING. How much you spent on this? What you spend that on? Where did your tax refund go? (like every penny of the refund needs to be accounted for) Now I’m nervous. I start pulling all the information my lawyer needs to start the process and realize I only have about $7,000 in debt. I reach out to my cousin who helps people repair their credit. I am hoping this route will work. I don’t want to have to wait two more years to build a home. ANOTHER THING NO ONE TELLS YOU! After filing bankruptcy you can bounce back relatively quickly. However, the mortgage industry isn’t as forgiving. (But I am so over renting it is ridiculous) Anyways, So here I am with a low credit score (understatement of the year), just enough income to live in this state, and no savings. Want to know what I do have? My mental health is better than it has been in years, a steady income that allows me to start saving and travel at the same time, enough experience to never be without a job, and my amazing children. Life isn’t perfect but mine is a work in progress and I am happy with that. Reality is life will never be perfect but you only get this one. So make the best of it. Don’t ruin your credit at 18, don’t spend every penny you make, don’t rely on one source of income, and for the love GOD put your mental health on a pedestal! No one will take care of you like you do! Not even the government nor their dam NUMBERS!

Made in America (or wherever) #467

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Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Some time ago a guy I knew of but didn’t know directly commented on a picture from my Facebook story. Thinking the picture was more than what it was, he didn’t know he was on his way to down a path neither of us thought we were ready for. I thought I was undateable and he was wounded by the worst kind of betrayal. He would become a friend then a confidant then a lover. In that order…. the order that I needed. I would become the calm his life needed. From the hugs and kisses to the intimacy we share this time gave much more than ever thought it has to offer. Patience, understanding, openness again. In the beginning I fought against what could be… I fought against emotions… I fought against what this man did to my mind, body, and soul. You see I’m a praying woman! Have been most of my life. But I began to pray for this man more than I prayed for myself. Not that he’ll want me more or whatever… My soul prayed for his happiness and health. I prayed that his goals, dreams and prayers are answered. I prayed that when he looks in the mirror he not only sees what I see but he sees more. He sees the man he is, the man he wants to be, and the man he will be! I pray daily for him! Yes, I have prayed that he is the man god has for me. But only God knows that right now… I’m going with the flow and DATE this man. Not talk to… Not chill with… Not hang out with. But date this man, understand this man, make sure he is happy, and most importantly pray for him! That I will do!

I think y’all know what made me lol (America or wherever)

Romans 12:12

#PFYFS Day 5: Preparing For Marriage

Day five

Today I pray that my future spouse is preparing himself for marriage. Praying about it, making any changes, getting his life in order. I pray that he prepares mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. Marriage isn’t a walk in the park but it is rewarding and exciting. I pray he wants a partnership as well not a 50/50 connection. I pray that he is making the necessary time and moves to make sure marriage is what he wants and something he can give his very best to. I pray he is preparing himself for a blended family, new traditions, tasty meals, travel plans, and a large & loud family! I pray that there is nothing our love for one another can’t overcome. I pray that he is prepared to laugh at jokes that aren’t funny and have long serious discussions about random things. I pray that he is as excited about me as I am about him because I know he is coming and he IS the man GOD made for me! In Jesus name I pray…

Amen!

Made in…. well in peace, love, and happiness!

#PFYFS Day 4: Stay Sexually Pure

Before I start my prayer I will let you know this one was a difficult one. I mean I am a 32 year old divorcee. Meaning I’m not pure nor have I been abstinent since my divorce. So I find it EXTREMELY difficult to pray that my future spouse stays sexually pure. Seriously, the day is literally almost over and I’m just now getting to my prayer… just maybe I’ve been procrastinating. *I’ve definitely be dragging it out* lol However, here goes!

Dear God,

Today I pray that my future spouse is NOT sleeping around. I pray that he is now waiting for me as I have choose to wait for him. I pray that he understands no one is perfect and both of us will/have slipped up. (Before we meet) lol But what’s important that we learn from our mistakes and transgressions. I hope that he decides that finding an equally yoked woman is more important than a sexually pure woman. I pray that when time comes we are compatible on that level! In Jesus name I pray!

Amen!

From the land of the…. (or wherever)

#PFYFS Day 3: His Purpose

Day three…

Today I pray for my future spouse to discover his purpose and be successful in that purpose. I pray my spouse doesn’t need an audience to know and understand his purpose in the world and in his own life. That he march to his own beat and make the most out of all situations. I pray that when he finds his purpose it gives him the opportunity to help others and give back to society. I pray that his success keeps him grounded… humble and grateful! Lord I pray that our purposes in life align and not conflict. I pray that when my future spouse finds his purpose it brings him the happiness he yearns and deserve. I pray lord he embraces this god given purpose and that he knows he couldn’t have done it without you! In Jesus name I pray!

Amen!

I know where I’m from… do you?

#PFYFS Day 2: A Healing

Day Two Prayer…

Today lord I pray that my future spouse has healed from his past lord. I pray that he doesn’t let the angers from his past transgressions control his present and future decisions and emotions. I pray that he allows the past to work within him in the most positive way and the outcome is something that he is building toward. I pray that all the losses he’s felt has strengthened him in ways he could never imagine. Lord I pray that his healing is so deep and cleansing that he can be open with his heart and soul! That he can help others heal…I pray his heart is healed and open for love and everything that comes with it. There won’t be any second guessing, negativity, or distancing himself from love. I pray that his healing covers all his loved ones around him so if they are all healed as well! His entire circle is healed from their past and create a positive atmosphere! All love, hope, and faith. I pray that this healed man can help others.. complete strangers help from their past. Help him see the brightness their future holds for himself instead of living in the darkness of their past. I pray that when he opens he mind, mouth, and heart it’s pours out nothing but love! I pray for this man… his family and friends… his past, present, and future… everything he touches and encounters on this journey. I pray in your sons name…

Amen

I know from him I was made… I was just placed in America (or wherever) lol

#PFYFS Challenge Day 1

Day one Prayer…

Before I pray I want to say while proofreading my last post I realized this isn’t about praying for what I want in my future spouse as it is about praying that my future spouse is the person god created for me. I may or may not have a list in my head to what I want in a man. But that is not the soul purpose of this challenge. So here’s my prayer…

Day 1: Pray They are Growing in their relationship with God!

God,

I just want to thank you for this day. Thank you for waking us up oh lord. Thank you for putting breathe in my lungs and life in my body! On this day lord I ask for you to touch my future spouses heart lord let him know he is not alone in this world lord. Let him know when the time is right he will have his true love by his side. I pray that life hasn’t been too hard for him but has taught him what it means to love and be loved. It won’t always be easy but this love is so worth the battle lord. I pray that he hasn’t cast out the thought of loving again and he is healed from any hurt he has been through. I pray that he has found you lord and regardless what happened in his past he knows you are a living and trusting god! I pray that he is an ever growing relationship with you lord. That he knows, listens, honor, and obey your will and purpose! I pray that he is in touch with his emotional side lord that he doesn’t keep it all pent up and knows how to release it with positive energy! I pray that my future husband knows there is nothing perfect in life but your love lord. I pray that even if he is not apart of this challenge that he is somewhere praying for me before we meet and continues to pray for us as one unit, one family, one love when we do meet. Lord I pray that he is strong enough to receive just what he prays for! Lord I pray that his relationship with you is at its strongest before he meets me! I pray that he is throughly a man of your grace and mercy oh lord!

This I pray in your name!

Amen!

Made in…..

Pray For Your Future Spouse Challenge

About two weeks ago an amazing young lady from my amazing church invited me to join a group on Facebook. This group is called, ‘Pray For Your Future Spouse challenge.’ At first I was just a visitor to the page as I classified myself. Then I started reading the testimonies of people who’ve participated in previous years. I was completely blown away… still I didn’t know where to start. So I still sat quietly and read other people’s post. Then one day it hit me! And I wrote….

‘I just learned of this challenge and I feel so blessed to be apart of it! For the first time in my life I am genuinely happy with who I am. Yes, there is still quite a bit I need to work on but I am so grateful for how far I’ve come! I can’t begin to know what to ask God for in a man because this entire time I thought I knew but none of them were for me and I wasn’t for them. I’ve been married, divorced (almost 4 years), dated(sigh), and single. Overall I was very happy married I am at my happiest now! Single and enjoying life. I understand who I am as a woman of god now. I’m learning my path and role, I didn’t have a clue before. I’m slaying my mommy duties like no other and it is THE best feeling EVER!! So when God feels it’s time for me to meet the man he has for me… when my future spouse is ready for all my sass lol I will be waiting with an open heart, arms, mind, body, and soul. ‘

Tomorrow… Monday, August 19th starts the 5 day challenge… pray for your future spouse. I’m working on my prayers because to be honest I just don’t know. But we shall see! Prayers coming soon!

Made in America (or wherever)